Sitting down

I've started this blog entry four times this week. First, I was going to tell you about being shiny with my goals. I was all about tracking and support. Those tools are really helpful and I was doing quite well. I had the post all typed out, then I got fired.  In the rest of the week, things got a little off track.
There are days this week where I didn't track my progress. I didn't eat according to the plan each day. I didn't complete my full workout each day.  There was even a day where I didn't take my medications.  Knowing that getting off my medications for a day usually leads to migraines, why would I do that?  Why would I ever skip my exercises when my knees hurt less if I do them?  Why wouldn't I move around every hour knowing that I'm at risk for blood clots and strokes? Why would I eat a tub of french fries to make me feel better?
As I got stuck this week, I kept asking myself those whys.  It seems like a labyrinth I'll never escape sometimes, just a series of whys with no answers. Taking the time I found there are answers: Because I just forgot. I was stressed. I was tired. Because it's easy. I don't have to pay attention to anything to stay fat, stay sick and stay hurting.  My mind says this is how I'm meant to be and it's out of my control.  I am sick no matter what.
I eat my way through a migraine and forget my medications sometimes because it makes me feel better for a little while.  Tomorrow, when I'm still sick, still over weight and still hurting I'll know why. It will be my fault for not taking the medications.  Having a reason is better than saying bad luck, bad genetics, or the other excuses I come up with. If I'm fat and lazy and forgetful, I can be mad at me.
There are other benefits of being sick.  They don't seem obvious if you're staring at me crying in the dark because of a migraine. If I am sick, there are no relationship complications or getting let down.  No one will choose to date someone else over me if I'm not dating. I'm not disappointed, I simply am not well enough to go out regularly.  I do not have to be a burden on someone else. I can skip events or working hard because I'm not well. If I am sick, I cannot push myself to go after my dreams.  The only thing I have to do is take care of my illnesses.
Each day, I can make the easy choice to stay sick.  Yet, being unhealthy isn't easy.  I do want different things than being a sick person.  I don't like setting alarms for medications and organizing pills every day.  It's also very expensive to be sick.  I have to remind myself when it seems easier to lay in bed and watch a season of the newest sci-fi show, that show won't make things better tomorrow. Though things can seem out of control, I can make changes. I am building muscle in my leg so my knees don't hurt as much. Regular exercise can decrease my depression, help to regulate hormones, and decrease the effect of pain on my body.  I can eat healthier. Less pain and decrease the likelihood for strokes and blood clots will happen.
To let you know, despite the slips and my why’s multiplying like tribbles, I did stay on track.  Most of my exercises got done; I stayed in calorie goals several days and lost several pounds.  I’m thankful for the chance this week gave me to spend questioning what can get in my way.  I’ll be a lot better prepared if challenges arise in the future.  (They always did for Harry Potter; I don’t expect it will be different for me.) 
What Whys can get in the way of you making changes? Share your why's with me in the comments, email, or on twitter. If you need some help getting past those old arguments in your head check out the Motivation Pinterest Board.