Nerd @ 190

I mentioned before I have some amazing cousins that are very inspiring.  I am always stunned at the things my family members can do. I am blessed with having a gigantic family filled with talented folks. There are teachers, lawyers, scientists, football players, body builders, baseball players,missionaries, moms,  dads, stepdads, artists, cheerleaders, marines, submariners, and chefs in my generation alone. Not many can boast the inspiration I can from their family tree. I know some of my cousins don't believe they are as valuable as others because they don't have a fancy title. Yet, they inspire me to have fun and to keep working. Some of my cousins will never be as capable as others. They inspire me to have acceptance, openness, and passion. I am so blessed to have each one in my life. I don't get to spend the time I want to with my family; A portion of that is because a lot of my down time is my sick time so I don't schedule things. I want to be healthier just for ...

I am thankful for my work. I am thankful for being physically well enough to work today. I am thankful for supportive friends and family. I am thankful for my niece and nephews. I am thankful for Sam. I am thankful for people that grow and change in positive ways that inspire me. I am thankful for updates about where people are. I am thankful for my moms I am thankful for possibilities. I am thankful for Taco Tuesday and the shows it entails. I am thankful for friends that get and appreciate even my most awkward fandoms. I am thankful for skipbo. I am thankful for night vale and Peter Dinklage. I am thankful for my brother's growing life. I am thankful for cute coworkers with nice voices. (For nice voices)

I've disappeared for a few weeks (again).  It's because I was dealing with the real world consequences of being chronically ill and chronically poor. These are two things I link together so tightly I almost didn't put "and" in that sentence. I was being kept at a friend's house for a little over a week because I live alone and they were afraid I was going to die.  No one actually says that,  but the simple reality is that no one is saying, "Geeze you are kinda sick and gonna totes get better so please sleep on my couch." There were other reasons too; the simple life goes on when you're sick, birthdays and funerals. I haven't had hours at work which I'm thankful for because I couldn't conceivably go to work. I had a regular-person doctor's visit which turned into several "lets check if you have cancer" visits.  I don't. Yay for that. I removed one medication and added another. I'm having one medication taken aw...

This week my inspiration comes from children. I've been really weak while dealing with the spasms that never go away. The most disappointing moment came when I had to put my niece down not because she wanted to crawl but because my arms were tired.  I also work with children in a locked psychiatric inpatient home. When you are trying to support someone through recovery, you need energy to spare them. Especially in an environment like the one I work in, getting your body to be physical is important to a strong lasting recovery. I want to be able to run with the children in my life. I want to move freely with them and celebrate their progress. My nephew monster loves a good dance party.  I don't want to turn him down because I don't have the energy. The children in my life constantly inspire me to be fit and healthier.

I am thankful that Tatay's Gift was funded I am thankful for the concern of friends. I am thankful to be on my way to work.  I am thankful for progressing goals I am thankful my niece continues to explore her world.  I am thankful for the announcement that George Takei will be the Grand Marshall at this year's Seattle Pride parade.  It is very exciting.  I am thankful for my fandoms and IGGPPC.  I am thankful for sound transit

I turned on teen wolf to see the mourning of a beloved character.  I said out loud to the no one I live with, "I can't do this. I just can't.  I need to fill my water bottles." I  spent the last couple days not doing several things.  I didn't do the love your body challenge.  I couldn't get myself to open my emails.  I don't have a good excuse for that; I don't have a good excuse for a lot. I also haven't done any exercise.  That I have a good excuse for. I mentioned before that my medications aren't regulating. That means I am experiencing a migraine for over 2 weeks. It's not horrible pain, but it is constant.  The real problem is that after the migraines go on for a while, I start to spasm a lot. My willpower against my depression drops with my every pain. The amount i care about what food i put in my body disappears. Yesterday, I couldn't get the spasms to stop or slow down. I went from bed to couch as many times as my legs would c...

I decided to do a workout yesterday. This one: I'm not even 30. So it's pretty easy to look at this DVD as a failure. My body has failed me to the point that I can't do a "real" workout. That's something I struggle with a lot. If I can't do a half hour of cardiovascular workout I ask myself what's the point? A friend said the other day that my hand weights were too light to count. I said no, they count. Yet, the thought keeps creeping in.  I spent 3 days with a migraine and muscle spasms. It slowed down quite a bit, but after 3 days of spasms I am really sore. Also, because the pain isn't completely gone I am afraid of getting up and making things worse.  I decided to do my old lady workout and test my body. I felt stupid and called myself names. I considered stopping the video and doing something more "real" at least using a heavier weight since mine didn't count. I didn't.   At the end of the video I sat down with an i...