Nerd @ 190

Yesterday, I said I was thankful for my therapist.  Honestly I am not sure that I am thankful.  EMDR therapy is the right kind for me, it is working in an expansion of what I believe.  Yet I don't want to deal with the past memories that we are going to be looking at.  They suck. I am unsure if it is me holding back or maybe she really sucks. I am so triggered being back in Spokane and in this house.  It feels like I am walking through memories sometimes.  Today I keep thinking about a bunch of dead kids.  They used to be my friends or clients I worked with, but at some point as I kept getting older and they didn't, those friends and clients became kids.  Worse than that, they became dead kids just chilling in my mind.  I say pile of dead kids because it is rare that only one comes up in my mind at a time.   If one starts coming into my memory (even a positive memory) another one comes,  Until I end up with all of these dead kids in my mind.  I know that this is my PTSD and d

This Thursday I'm thankful for my ever growing team of doctors. I have  an OB working with me to begin menopause, a great straiightforward psychiatrist, a nuero referral, and an EMDR therapist. I am thankful my mom makes tasty dinners I am thankful for fall and how much like home the weather feels.  I am thankful for lindor holiday chocolate that is deliciously minty. I am thankful for better even when it sucks.

One of the things that makes it really obvious that I am feeling well is books.  If I feel good, I read at least one book per week.  I was down the last week with a bad migraine. Because I’ve felt rather not well, I haven’t written reviews for any books recently.  What follows is a batch of reviews because I’m behind. The Last Blackstone Dragon by Alicia Montgomery: This was a decent book with one fatal flaw stopping it from being a great book.  The world was created well with a few specific changes from your average dragon fantasy.  The erotica was part of the story, not something that stood out as separate.  There are several time jumps in Blackstone dragon, and each one feels like you are lurched forward.  It truly interrupts the flow of the book.  Also, instead of character development, the growing and changing of a person’s opinions and feelings over time, we get time jumps that come with brief explanations of change.  I have no interest in continuing this series. The Change b

Today I am thankful for enough motivation coming to bring me back to writing. I am thankful for old friends. I am thankful for my husband helping to take care of me when I cannot take care of myself. I am thankful for depression being accuratly represented on TV. I am thankful for doctor taking steps to move me forward.  I have been gone for a while.  I am coming back out of necessity.  Rather than continue with my health journey leading towards a better me, my health journey has lead me to be jobless because I none of my efforts allowed me to work full time (and get bills paid).  I am living in the basement of  my childhood home with my husband and two dogs.  Upstairs, my mother and her husband live.  My mother is never supposed to be alone due to her health.   I am without the motivation to actually be a help to my ailing mother because my depression and migraines are winning.  Which means that i ate sweets pretending it was meals and my mother ate apples.  This is not my succe