Saturday, June 28, 2014

Fitspo Friday

I know I haven't written one of these in a while. I was struggling to feel inspired for a while. I also am aware it is not Friday.  I spent the day exploring NYC yesterday and got a little distracted.

My inspiration is Shiloh.  I heard stories about him as I grew up, but my immediate family didn't have any real connection to him until recently. (You can hate a lot about Facebook,  but it's amazing way to communicate with distant family.)

Shiloh was sick for a long time. Yet, he remained positive.  He passed that positivity to me in my struggles with my health. I will be carrying his hope and good nature with me through the future. Making a change towards inputting that into my daily life is the best thing I can do to remember him and be a healthier person.

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Pride Thanks

I'm skipping pride this year. Scheduling didn't work out for Seattle and the New York trip. Technically,  I am in New York for NYC  pride. However,  I am with a family of small children and pride rallies are not easy for small children.
I have no doubt about this decision.  However,  I love pride. I love any celebration of self and community. It's amazing to get this moment to celebrate and mourn in such a big way.
With no pride celebration for me this yesr, I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you.
I am thankful for all of the people currently fighting for equality world wide. I am thankful for all of those that have sacrificed for the steps we have taken.  If you can, get out and dance with the parades. I will work a extra hard to vocalize my pride this year.


Thankful Thursday

I am thankful for sweet strangers that treat me like family.
I am thankful for my friends and family continued prayers and concerns
I am thankful for people that hug me when I start screaming crying mid sentence.
I am thankful for the year I had communicating with Shiloh on a regular basis.
I am thankful for my family and planning dinner with them.
I am thankful for the evil little monsters in my life (sorry,  that should read my nephews and neice).
I am thankful for New York pizza.
I am thankful for ice packs and knee braces.
I am thankful for everyone on the #sickgirlproblems hashtag.

Saturday, June 14, 2014

Omgoodness, I am dieing.

I shouted at the screen quickly followed by "God damn Lundqvist." I am feeling the best I have all month.  I am really enjoying the game. My kings beat my bestie's Rangers while I'm in New York for the first time. Stanley Cup Champs! This is how to live. Then my leg kicks off the table of its own will. I shall continue to say I'm dancing with abandon. though I'm spasming constantly.

 I had a horrifying headache that wouldn't respond to medications. I had a supposedly simple procedure that turned into a several day ordeal.  However, I am in New York and arrived here by cross country road trip. Even with all of the challenges of the last year, I stay focused on my life long goals. My bucket list items are dropping like flies.

I'm here and trying to enjoy myself. My bestie is working on not asking me every ten seconds if I am okay. She has gone 3 hours today, but that's because mom is here and the kids are showing off their intelligence every chance they get.

Back home,  I finally got a neurologist referral from my new doctor. While my support group is concerned with if I'm having fun, they are more concerned I get my appointment set. That is how my life is going.

I notice I don't blog about what's happening when it's bad. I can't entirely grasp that I don't know what's happening again. I feel I can't be who I want to be. Blogging is difficult in those moments.  Being is difficult in those moments but I continue to strive for a life worthy of the term. I am not dieing today.  I am celebrating my team being Stanley Cup Champs and me being in New York.

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Thankful Thursday

I am thankful for my sister taking care of the finances so I can take time to cross things off my bucket list.
I am thankful for my friends that don't get mad when I can't do things that would make life so much easier.
I am thankful for my Switzer family and the extended Cullen family that are taking great care of me and allowing me to do things I otherwise could not.
I am thankful I didn't die on the George Washington Bridge.
I am thankful for sunrise in so many different places.
I am thankful for the crying of children in the morning making it clear that my nieces and nephews are awake, are loved and cared for, and so spoiled they don't even know.
I am thankful for a man that loves me and doesn't actually accept I have doubts as an answer.
I am thankful for a sister that is a fish nerd. (Who knew there were historical fish hatcheries?)
I am thankful for being able to email my doctor even though he doesn't seem to respond.
I am thankful for driving across a lovely country.
I am thankful for travel the bear.
I am thankful for a nephew that is understanding about the fact that I'm sick and can't always do things even though he doesn't understand illness.
I am thankful for hugs from strangers that I think of as family.
I am thankful for advise from family on how to take care of myself even though I want to tell everyone to shut up because I don't even know what's wrong.
I am thankful for taking this trip even though I am struggling with my health this whole time.

Thursday, June 5, 2014

Thankful Thursday


  • I'm thankful for understanding and helpful coworkers.  The kind that say "Wait, how did you get here? You aren't getting on a bus. Go home and rest."
  • I'm thankful for the amazing Switzer family taking care of me when I need it most.  I'm so blessed to have my amazing Amber and Chris to help me out the last few days.  I would not have survived alone.
  • I'm thankful for my mom, sister and besties checking in on me.
  • I'm thankful for people that won't ever tell me that my health has scared them again.
  • I'm thankful for a bestie that can joke about how silly her text message sounded when I was at the ER.
  • I am thankful for Amber being able to joke about sitting at the ER while nurses are concerned I'm bleeding internally.
  • I'm thankful Amber can be mad about people checking in too many times.
  • I'm thankful for Chris trying to be calm while he's pissed off that I'm getting out of a chair. I'm thankful for the number of times that he has said "Then just keep sitting. What's the problem with that?" even though I can't process the number of problems I find with staying sitting for several days.
  • I'm thankful for medications arriving when I need them.
  • I'm thankful for a sister and roommate that have everything under control especially when nothing is under control.
  • I'm thankful for amazingly beautiful days in Seattle.
  • I'm thankful for Cupcake Royal.
  • I'm thankful for ER doctors being so much cooler and more rational than any other doctors.
  • I'm thankful for an OB that is funny.
  • I'm thankful for sweet nurses rubbing my ass. 
  • I'm thankful for amazing and funny EMTs that can save hundreds of dollars by walking me across the street.
  • I'm thankful for recliner chairs.
  • I'm thankful for corn bag pillow from my grandma (life saver).
  • I'm thankful for pads and sweatpants.  (Never in my life did I think I would be, but dear monkeys I am.)
  • I'm thankful for Australia's Next Top Model and the amazing, wonderful and insane guy I live with that I now got addicted to Australia's Next Top Model. (Shhhhhh.... don't tell him I told you.)
  • I'm thankful that my skin color is naturally a cute tan and not gray/purple.
  • I'm thankful for recognizing my limits and being a bitch about still wanting to do things.
  • I am thankful for a kindergartner that can comprehend I'm not well enough to play, be upset about it, and thank me for playing with him the day before.  I am not sure I recognize a moment in my life that was so simultaneously heart warming and impossibly saddening. 
  • I am thankful for every person on twitter and tumblr that uses #SickGirlProblems or any other associated hash tag.  When I'm sitting and crying, they can make me laugh and recognize I'm not alone. There is nothing better in this world
As every Thursday, I am thankful for the stunning people I have in my life near and far.  I choose to connect myself with people that can make me better. When I'm at my worst, they hold me up. I couldn't possibly ask for more than what they do.  I am glad to say I had an awful shitty week and I am still beyond blessed.  

Thank you.