Just a little movement

I decided to do a workout yesterday. This one:

I'm not even 30. So it's pretty easy to look at this DVD as a failure. My body has failed me to the point that I can't do a "real" workout. That's something I struggle with a lot. If I can't do a half hour of cardiovascular workout I ask myself what's the point? A friend said the other day that my hand weights were too light to count. I said no, they count. Yet, the thought keeps creeping in.

I spent 3 days with a migraine and muscle spasms. It slowed down quite a bit, but after 3 days of spasms I am really sore. Also, because the pain isn't completely gone I am afraid of getting up and making things worse.

I decided to do my old lady workout and test my body. I felt stupid and called myself names. I considered stopping the video and doing something more "real" at least using a heavier weight since mine didn't count. I didn't.

At the end of the video I sat down with an ice pack. Less than 10 minutes later I was in tears from the muscle spasms spreading. I hurt everywhere. My body was very clear that I don't get a choice in what a "real" workout consists of. A real workout is what I can do in the moment, and can't be defined by someone else. (I do like my doctors advice though. ) it's also important to get in any amount if exercise I can. If I can't get an hour in, I'll take ten minutes.

Comments

Pile of dead kids

Yesterday, I said I was thankful for my therapist. Honestly I am not sure that I am thankful. EMDR therapy is the right kind for me, it is working in an expansion of what I believe. Yet I don't want to deal with the past memories that we are going to be looking at. They suck. I am unsure if it is me holding back or maybe she really sucks. I am so triggered being back in Spokane and in this house. It feels like I am walking through memories sometimes. Today I keep thinking about a bunch of dead kids. They used to be my friends or clients I worked with, but at some point as I kept getting older and they didn't, those friends and clients became kids. Worse than that, they became dead kids just chilling in my mind. I say pile of dead kids because it is rare that only one comes up in my mind at a time. If one starts coming into my memory (even a positive memory) another one comes, Until I end up with all of these dead k...

Starting the Journey

If there is one good thing about moving, it's that when you make a move you have to make a lifestyle change. So, why not make another? I'm going to get healthy! Actually, I'm not. I've love to say the journey we're starting now leads to getting healthy, but the reality is a little different. Part of the journey you're joining me on is to find a lot of acceptance around that simple fact. I feel a bit Bilbo about this whole thing. Halfway through my journey towards healthy, I got an awesome treasure, and it came with some super cool effects. It also came with a huge downside. My treasure isn't a ring that lets me be invisible and links me up with a rather terrifying evil. My treasure is a series of diagnoses; they give me the power of treatments and mean that I can't be healthy. I've been diagnosed with migraine with aura, elevated blood pressure, menstrual migraine, patellofemoral pain syndrome, irregular menses, prementrual d...

#LoveYourBodyChallenge

I began participating in Molly Galbraith's love your body challenge. It's been truely wonderful to spend some time focusing on the good my body does. It is pretty easy when I'm being sick to focus on the bad. It's very easy to be mad at and to hate my body. The reality is that my hormones (depression and migraines) were being regulated by some pills. I've come to face the reality that my body doesn't accept birthcontrol as an answer to these problems very long. For the 3rd birthcontrol in a row I noticed that I hit a certain point and I can no longer depend on regulation. It isn't the end of the world, but it makes reality, positivity, and thankfulness more difficult to find. I've been in pain more days than not recently. I find myself unsure of the last full day I went without any pain in my knees, lungs, or head. I'm hopeful to find more soon. I've been doing great work with the mantras from the Love Your Body Challenge. I'm fi...

Nerd @ 190

Search This Blog